So I had a dream the other night that accurately describes my 5+ years of living abroad in East Asia.

I’m going on a trip, so I packup my car and decided to head out from my humble abode. My adobe being a 37 story apartment building that greatly resembles what we in America would term “the projects”. Its inhabitants are rather well behaved but rather cold, rude, anonymous creatures. I think I have everything I need when I remember I forgot my chewing gum and again wait on the elevator cram packed with other people to back to my room/apartment to grab one single item.

The second trip takes 8 minutes which somewhat annoys me as this simple tasks would be measured in seconds within the U.S. I finally get in my car and prepare to head out, there is a small traffic jam in the parking basement because someone just doesn’t feel like getting the fuck outta the way. I honk my horn and it awakens whatever moron from whatever slumber he or she was doing behind the wheel at 1000AM. I then make another turn only to wait behind what seems like a 20 minute red light. After a very annoying serious of convoluted directions and turns around old ladies, old men pushing shopping carts filled with crap, late night prostitutes and school children (and in some cases they are both of the same profession) I finally make it to the “expressway”. In most east asian countries you pay to use what we would consider a freeway. The problem is I don’t see the value added because your just paying to wait in even more traffic. Since I’m Catholic I am against birth control but it seems as if these fuckers can’t abort each other fast enough! Finally, after a few hours I am finally “cruising” on the expressway heading towards my destination on the beach when something tingles my spider sense.

I am not heading over an extremely long bridge over what appears to be untamed waters. Yep, this isn’t a lake or a river but untamed fucking salt water. Now, I am no marine biologist but I do know that salt water is generally untamable which is why Europeans usually tunnel underneath it as opposed to making a bridge over it. Needless to say I am even more greatly troubled by the fact that what was once a four lane road heading in one direction has inexplicable turned into a TWO LANE ROAD. Now I’m worried, namely because the mass of the bridge over a very large volume of violently thrashing water has put the odds in the favor of the sea. Whatever I thought, no race of people could be that stupid. Wrong again, a short distance up I notice THE MOTHER FUCKING BRIDGE IS OUT. Not just “under construction” or “needs repair” but the fucker is OUT, OUT! As in it NO LONGER EXIST in the middle of the damn sea. You would think there would be cones, helicopters, huge emergency signs telling us to turn around or at least close the fucking bridge in the first place but NO! Instead there is a old korean man who probably drunk or high on opium or both who just simply waves a light stick with absolutely no emotion on his face, motioning people to turn around. Are you fucking kidding me? Just then, a jackass who was cutting in and out of lanes in his BMW slams right into that fucker and careens off into a icy watery death. That in a nutshell is the culture of East Asia. American dollars that have managed to finance some of the most stupid people on earth to build a civilization of copy-cat Western civilization without the fundamental knowledge, philosophy, or thinking to make it work.