I recently purchased a Fallkniven Northern Light Thor Bowie from CrocBlades.com and decided to do a review. A little background, Fallkniven is a rather big knife manufacturer in Sweden run by Peter Hjortberger. Apparently he started his buisness back in 1984 importing knives and still does the same damn thing.

The Fallkniven Northern Light Thor Bowie is actually made in Japan, no surprise there as the owner of the company started by importing knives. The knife is billed as a exclusive high dollar item as compared to the rest of the companies offering with the Thor bowie commanding prices upwards of $700US dollars. You would think for that kind of coin you wouldn’t get a lump of shit but that’s exactly what I got.

My first impressions wasn’t really what I had expected for the amount of money I have spent on this blade. I love knives and own a few of them but this own just seemed to be yet another knife which the manufacture…er I mean company owner thinks is deserving of a price tag upwards of $700 bucks. My first impression was that, “Damn, did I just buy another Cold Steel Trailmaster?” I then compared this knife against my Cold Steel Trailmaster and I shit you not, these two knives were probably made in the same damn factory in Japan the only difference is that the Cold Steel CEO probably has better quality control over his japanese monkeys than Peter Hjortberger. While this review isn’t meant to compare one knife against the other, the Cold Steel blade was thicker, heavier and felt better in the hand.

The Fallkniven Northern Light Thor Bowie tries to pass itself off as a heavy duty knife but from all the reports I heard of its steel chipping I doubt it could serve in that role. I bought this knife solely for use as a weapon and even then I wouldn’t trust my life with it despite its 10″ reach. See below for a video of issues Fallkniven knives have with being used…their blades tend to chip way too easy.

The second thing I noticed about this knife was that along the spine it has small indentations, almost undetectable it can be picked up in direct light revealing the unevenness and small dents all along the spine itself. My photos don’t capture everything but it is clearly evident.

The third thing I noticed was a FUCKING CHIP on the blade point. Seriously what the fuck Peter Hjortberger! You’d think for $700 bucks you can at least get off your fat swedish ass and do some God damn quality control on your so called “Northern Light Thor Bowie”. Shit, this knife doesn’t even deserved to be called a Bowie, it should be called a “Swedish Fuck Stick!” or better yet call it the “Peter I Don’t Give a Fuck Hjortberger Bowie!”

Man, that shit still pisses me off! What the fuck!

Any ways lets move on to its shitty sheath which the “company” claims is made out of high quality leather. Shit, ever buy your kids a cap gun that comes in some shitty holster made in Mexico? Yea, well this fucking sheath is made in that same fucking assembly line. I’m not big on sheaths as long as its constructed half way descent but God damn Peter Hjortberger you mailed me a sheath with a mother fucking hole in it! Yea, a fucking HOLE in a brand new sheath.

Let’s not even get started on the piss poor sheath quality and the fact that the mother fucker was painted. Yes, you heard right nigga, FUCKING PAINTED! Was this thing assembled in Mexico or the back streets of India.

Single stitching on a knife weighing over a pound, classy Peter Hjortberger, fucking classy!

Oh yea, one last thing the butt had dirt in it. Imagine that, a dirty fucked up knife with a chipped tip and a crappy sheath. What a piece of shit.

If you came here wanting to read a Fallkniven Northern Light Thor Bowie Review I’ll make it simple for you, save your money and buy a Cold Steel Trailmaster. Its a much better knife at a fraction of the price. Peter Hjortberger is a fucking little swedish bitch who doesn’t stand by his products. I sent him a email detailing how fucking shitty his product was and this was his response.

Dear Sir,

I’m sorry to hear that your NL1 knife wasn’t to your expectations, Of course a new, expensive knife like this should be free from defects.

The only thing you shall do is to return it to your dealer, explaining the reasons why you wish to return the knife and he will take care of your problems.

Best regards
Peter Hjortberger

Mother Fucking Douche, go fuck yourself!

Yes, you heard it here first folks. The entire world has gone insane. Seriously, it has.

My first marriage was to a an extremely left wing woman who felt that women should receive special treatment but that they were equal in all ways to men, animals had human rights, jews are smart and have a diverse culture, gays and transsexuals should not be oppressed and that black people were genetically inferior. Yes, the starter wife actually believed this.

It wasn’t long until she was replaced but slowly I came to the realization that MOST people in the world actually thought like this. So I wasn’t very surprised when I read this article. Chicken sexually assaulted in hotel, Valparaiso, IN. It was an odd yet peculiarly funny story, obviously some man with a penchant for fucking God’s little creatures decided to fuck a chicken in a hotel room. I myself chuckled a bit and figured he would have to pay to refurbish the hotel room, a psych evaluation and maybe some community service. So I was surprised to find out that instead of that he was given 10 FUCKING YEARS IN JAIL!

Michael Bessigano, 36, received a 10 1/2 year prison sentence after admitting to stealing a farm chicken in October 2001 and taking it to U.S. 30 motel where he killed the animal while having sex with it. He was found competent to stand trial, and previous arrests involving alleged abuse or theft of dogs, geese and a rooster helped Porter County prosecutors secure a maximum sentence for animal cruelty.

Correction, he received 10 AND A HALF YEARS IN JAIL! Seriously, fucking seriously! TEN AND HALF YEARS IN JAIL FOR FUCKING A GOD DAMN CHICKEN! Popeyes slaughters chickens by the truckload but you gave this sick fucker 10 years in jail for killing one with his cock! Has the  fucking world lost their GOD DAMN MINDS! You take away 10 and a half years of a human beings life, time he could have used to fix whatever was wrong with him, contribute to society, pay taxes and find the Lord because he killed a fucking chicken! Chicken’s don’t even live that long! You get less time in jail for raping a minor than you do for fucking a chicken! Hell most people that murder someone in cold blood get 7 years but you gave the chicken fucker 10 and a half fucking years in jail! Why? Because the chicken’s life was cut even shorter? What the fuck was the chicken going to do besides contribute to a 12 piece family meal, half of which would be placed in the fridge and forgotten about then thrown out later. You dumb fucking fucks!

Even the bible CLEARLY states a bird is worth jack shit compared to a human

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny[a]? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

The world has gone totally fucking insane.